in an effort to get this guy to eat, we are trying new foods. i'm not sure there was much eating of the pancakes but there was a lot of playing. he really liked squishing the blueberries and rubbing them all over himself.

anyone have food suggestions for a picky, essentially toothless and not very skilled eater?





this weekend we hiked the lands end trail and walked around the sutro baths. this summer nick is interning in the financial district at a bank (guess which one. it's a real shocker...not). after a really long week he wasn't sure if he was going to get the weekend off.  but his luck turned around we got to spend all of saturday with him. it was pretty muggy so we all took turns toting around our 16 pound hunk of love. 



tube life has quickly become normal life. admittedly, the first two days were hard. i only cried once. but when the feeding bag is clogged and the machine keeps beeping at you that's a totally normal response after being in the hospital for three nights, right?

after three weeks, the tube is just part of everyday life. we've figured out the best taping techniques and how to prevent bags from clogging. we are both pros at inserting the feeding tube and aren't phased when he pulls it out.

ari always has his NG tube in, but isn't always hooked up to the feeding machine. we do three feeds throughout the day and then he gets fed all night long. for his day time feedings, i usually hook him up and let him play. if he's on the move, i push the pole behind him. sometimes we put him in the highchair and let him "eat" dinner while his liquid dinner gets pumped into his stomach.

during the day, ari never messes with his tube. the nights are the hardest. it takes ari a lot longer to fall asleep now. with a distracting pole and a fun bag of formula to swat it, it can take him up to an hour to finally settle down. some nights he likes to play games and continually pull on the tube to make the machine beep. he knows that if the machine starts beeping, mom and dad come into his room. when ari gets tired, he rubs his face. rubbing his face usually results in the tube coming out of his nose. sadly, this means we can't ignore him at night like we had been doing for months.



i never thought a stick could make a boy so happy. he was so proud of himself. he carried it all the way back to the car (and then we made him leave it in the parking lot).



this weekend we learned that ari has a love of slides and swings. maybe we should have tried this sooner...



these pictures were taken in utah before his cute cheeks were covered in tape. there is only one bathtub in my parents house and it is surrounded by three windows. so it was hard to resist taking pictures of him.  and i wasn't the only one who couldn't resist the perfect light. these pictures were taken by me, my dad and peter at different bath times.



despite our best efforts, ari has been struggling to pack on the pounds. on friday, he failed his weigh in and actually lost weight. it was decided then and there that we were going to the hospital. he needed a feeding tube. we went home, packed our things and waited for david. we weren't sure what we were getting into, but we knew we were going to be there for a few days.

we answered a lot of questions and the doctors talked about our weekend game plan. after we were settled, it was time for the feeding tube. the nurses warned us that it was completely normal for him to gag or vomit. luckily, that didn't happen. he was just realllllly mad. they walked us through each step so we knew how to do it ourselves when we got home. i had been through a few blood draws with ari to prepare me for this moment. so it only felt like a small child kicked me in the heart when the tube started going down his nose. after 10 minutes he forgot there was anything stuck to his face.

our time at the hospital went by so slowly. the days were never-ending. it was the longest three days of my life. entertaining a 10 month old is hard. the floors at the hospital weren't the cleanest (not that ours are amazing) so we couldn't just let him crawl around. there was a plastic car that we could push him around in. and push we did. several times a day. what else were we supposed to do?

it was a hard weekend. i had really bad anxiety and couldn't sleep. i'm glad i had david. he is always calm and rational. essentially, the opposite of me. my anxiety peaked after the first night in the hospital. when david walked in on saturday morning i started to cry. i was so relieved to see him. he slept at the hospital the following two nights. but i couldn't sleep at home either.

ari was able to put on some weight at the hospital. a huge relief. now we know he's just not into food. he will be on a feeding tube for a while.

i know we will get used to this. i know that it won't feel hard forever.

this is our new normal.





there is so much to explore in the kitchen. especially in my parents kitchen. ari discovered the dishwasher while peter was unloading it. the moving racks were the coolest thing. 



i took ari on a hike this week (in utah). it was not his idea of fun. he whined all the way up and cried most of the way down. i could get a few giggles out of him by running but that was obviously not sustainable. then suddenly the crying stopped and he was asleep with about 15 minutes left. to be fair, i don't think he was terribly comfortable, he was tired, he couldn't see well and he was stuck to my sweaty back. we will have to get a real hiking pack and try it again.

(please note the crusty booger)